To love and be loved is what makes life worth living, but too often we struggle to find love that is real - the kind of love that feels safe, trustworthy, deep, attentive and supportive.
Imagine finding a romantic love partner who allows you to be exactly who you are, who seeks to understand you, accepts your past, and empathises with your shadow side. A partner who strives to put a smile on your face, wants nothing more than to see you shine your light, and moves toward you (not away from you) during tough times.
While magic spells, vision boards and affirmations alone are unlikely to manifest such a miracle, it is possible to co-create one by shifting your mindset and behaviour to align with the energetic vibration of the love you desire. Here are 6 steps to help you do this:
1. Know yourself
If you haven’t figured out who you are, what you stand for, and what’s important to you, you can’t expect someone else to know or appreciate you on a deep level either. Give yourself the time and space to look inside yourself and get in touch with your own essence. What are your values? What are you passionate about? What does your ideal future look like? Knowing yourself and living from the truth of who you are sends a clear signal out into the universe about what you require to be happy.
2. Don’t settle
When you know yourself, it’s much easier to determine what your relationship needs are and what your deal-breakers are. Make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Rather than focusing on appearances and external factors, consider the way you would love to feel around your partner. Real love is experienced on a heart level, it doesn’t come from the head or anywhere else in the body! Don’t buy into the false, fantasy version of love and pretend a relationship is deeper than it really is. Don’t settle for less than true, authentic love.
3. Treat yourself kindly
If you want a partner who respects and treats you with the care and kindness you deserve, you need to treat yourself that way as well. Notice any negative, belittling self-talk going on throughout your day, and make a commitment to change that habit. Do you tend to put everyone else’s needs first and your own needs last? Make time in your busy day for self-care practices like yoga or qigong, a relaxing bath or a walk in Nature. Look after your physical body by eating healthily and getting enough sleep, and nurture your mind and soul with beautiful music and inspirational books.
4. Do the work to heal
Time doesn’t always heal us. Relationships seem to be designed to show us exactly where our inner wounds are, bringing our biggest insecurities to the surface. And even when relationships end, those insecurities often remain, and thus we attract a similar relationship dynamic, and the pattern continues. In order to call in your ideal love relationship, and to sustain it, do the work to discover and heal old emotional wounds and let go of self-sabotaging patterns of behaviour.
5. Find your own fulfilment
Real life rarely imitates fiction. Don’t expect Prince or Princess Charming to come along and save you from a life you need rescuing from. Rescue yourself first, by taking responsibility for your own happiness, contentedness and the security you seek. Whether you find this fulfilment through your work, hobbies, children, community, spiritual practice, or other avenues, it’s your ‘wholeness’ (not your neediness) that will make you irresistible to the partner of your dreams.
6. Expand your capacity for ‘pure love’.
Don’t limit yourself by thinking of love only in romantic terms. Aim for ‘pure love’ that’s unconditional and all-encompassing. That includes love for self, all of humanity and all of Nature. Extend love every day to everyone you meet, and that love will come back to you, in one form or another. Extend love and forgiveness to the people who annoy you, the people who will never understand you, and especially the ones who hurt you. Practice ‘being’ the love you seek.
Manifesting a romantic love partnership that’s stronger than you’ve ever known starts with yourself. Focus on what brings you the most joy, lovingly attend to healing the wounds of your past, and let your heart glow brighter than it ever has before.
This article was published in the October/November 2018 issue of Connect Magazine, North Queensland.
About the writer: Kerrie Womersley is the owner of Find Yourself Qigong and Coaching. In addition to training with internationally-renowned Qigong expert, Lee Holden, Kerrie is a Master Practitioner of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and a Conscious Uncoupling Certified Coach. www.findyourselfnow.com